This week’s question comes from Kristen D.
“My Twin keeps being hesitant despite our strong connection and doesn’t want to say openly that we’re in a relationship. He had an unhappy recent relationship and compares me to his ex. He keeps pulling away – are there any spiritual tools I could implement so my Twin Flame can understand this bond we have and not be scared?”
Thank you so much for this question, Kristen! I appreciate that this must be challenging for you but rest assured that there are always solutions.
It sounds like your Twin Flame may have core beliefs along the lines of “relationships are unhappy”, “commitment leads to pain or stagnation”. This would cause him to avoid to his best ability anything that indicates commitment. As you mention, his last relationship seems to have impacted his expectations of what a relationship is like (and in addition to this it would be helpful to cut any cords he may have to that person still – to reset his energy and open him up).
Blessings in Disguise
In a strange way, his attitude is actually a compliment to you because it means he is instinctively seeking to protect what the two of you have from what he perceives as a destructive, self-fulfilling prophecy – i.e. “relationships are unhappy”. It could even be a belief that: “once you commit, the relationship is headed for destruction/ending”.
You could experiment with shifting your perspective to instead of feeling hurt by his withdrawal and reluctance to be open (which would be completely understandable) and instead try to view his feelings and reactions as a blessing, a statement of how deeply he cares for you and that he is trying to protect what the two of you share.
This would alter the energy between you and allow him to feel safer emotionally… and often this will actually spur a reluctant person to change their behavior.
Rooting Out Limiting Beliefs
Beliefs/energetic patterns like “love hurts” and “relationships are doomed” are embedded deep in a person’s psyche – usually from childhood, but if you believe in reincarnation it can stem from past lives – and it’s not something they are consciously aware of.
After seeing childhood wounds affecting so many Twin Flames, I created the Inner Child Healing where you get to interact with your Twin’s inner child and work with them to release damaging beliefs and hurt. Have a look here.
Often we see limiting subconscious beliefs “pop up” to the surface in our lives when something comes up to challenge them – for example, if a person has taken on the belief that happiness in love is impossible and they have seen others experience this disappointment around them while growing up, this subconscious belief will come up in the form of automatic self-sabotage once that person encounters a situation that is aligned with happiness in love.
It sounds like this is what’s going on with your Twin – in connecting with you, his limiting beliefs around love are challenged.
Once a person has accepted a “core belief” such as “love hurts” into their consciousness, their ego will seek out ways to validate and confirm this negative perception. It will cause battles, even self-sabotage in the face of anything that threatens this core belief.
The great thing is that once he lets go of his limiting beliefs, a big block to your Union will be gone – and there is a solution! Like in psychoanalysis where the therapist uses association and other ways to bypass the ego’s control mechanisms and get to the root of the problem, we can energetically find the cause of this belief – going right back to the first incident where the person accepted this illusion as reality, and we can delete it out of their energy field for good.
We go through eradicating common negative belief structures about love and relationships in the Energy Clearing Sessions for Twin Flames, and the Complete Harmony Healing for Twin Flames cleanses out any old negative energy, downloading new templates for love and unifying and uplifting both Twins’ energy into a collective path.
Removing blocks and negative belief structures is painless, fast and creates lasting results when done with energy clearing tools.
You can also help your Twin Flame by maybe mentioning in conversation, in a relaxed, no-pressure way that love is infinitely varied and that any past negative experiences needn’t impact your relationship – or you can energetically clear these things wherever they impact your relationship.
It also sounds like your Twin’s recent unhappy relationship has impacted his “blueprint perception” of women and he sees you tinged through this skewed perspective. This can also be cleared. And because the Twin Flames share a collective energy field, one Twin can clear for both.
I’d recommend using energy clearing for a few weeks to experience the shifts possible. Try my Free Help Kit for Twin Flames and the deep energy cleanse tool included. You can also read about other Twins’ amazing experiences with energy clearing here.
Lastly, spirit always advises us to focus on what we desire, because what we focus on is what we bring closer to us and manifest.
If you notice yourself worrying about your Twin Flame relationship and projecting ideas into the future of things going badly, try playing a game with yourself and “flipping” the thoughts to their opposite: “If this is what I’m so afraid of, what would the opposite of that be – What would the ideal, happy outcome look like?”
Our minds love looking for patterns and solving problems – it’s what helped human beings survive and evolve for hundreds of thousands of years, so it’s embedded deep in the wiring of our brains. Playing internal games like this is a huge help on this journey.
Another great help to “tame the worry” and shift your subconscious mind to help you rather than work against you, can be creative visualization – visualize and “daydream” about your ideal situation as if it had already happened.
I woke up a few nights ago with these words in my mind from my Twin Flame: “Believe that what you want has already happened, and it will.”
Manifestation can be either a blessing or a curse depending on how we use it – that part of the journey is always up to us, so be conscious of where you direct your thoughts and feelings. Our inner state has such a huge effect on the outer reality we attract and create.
Thanks so much for your question, Kristen! I hope this helps.
Sending you love and light on your journey <3
– Cassady x
For an easy, fun way to manage your mindset, elevate your vibration and harmonize your journey with your Twin, have a look at the Vibrational Alignment Program for Twin Flames.
Alternatively you can try our Free starter kit
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Hi Cassady, I’ve heard many channels and psychics say that the twin flame is not real and the whole concept of the twin flame union is untrue. They say that there is not one person who is your true divine partner. Personally, This doesn’t resonate with me as I feel I have met my twin flame in my dream and have since then experienced many synchronicities. What is your take on this? I would be really be interested in hearing your advice. Love and light x Sama x
All they are admitting to is that they don’t believe the twin flame phenomena is real, because they have never experienced it for themselves, and possibly never will. I feel like they are sort of over-estimating their power a little, by guiding you in a direction that they would take for themselves, and not allowing the possibility to exist, that there’s something happening, that they have no experience with. You know what is true for you, and don’t let anyone convince you of anything different. Many of us are experiencing the same as you are, that can be of support to each other. It’s simply too hard for others to understand and accept as truth, if they haven’t gone through it for themselves. I myself have just come out of a few months of confusion, doubting, bewilderment, pain….After yet another parting of ways with my Twin Flame, even though we are still in love…The depths of despair you could say. I’m so happy I found this website. love you.
Thank you so much for your sweet words, Senoritalala <3 It really means a lot to me that you've found encouragement through this site x
Thanks! xx <3
Me and my twin flame have been split up for just over 3 months but we have spoken every day since then. Just recently I asked for some space as we both have things we are going through and I wanted to see if he would come back to me. The problem is he would never accept we were in a relationship and I’m worried that the love I thought we shared does not exist for him. How do I get him to communicate with me first without seeming so cold and get him to understand the bond we share?
Hi Lauren, I thought I answered you but it didn’t post so I’ll get back to you again – first of all spirit advises you to focus on the positives of your situation, as this will raise your vibration and open up your connection more on the energetic planes, this then makes a physical reconnection possible with more ease and grace. It’s great that you are still speaking, it sounds like there are many positive things here; keep in mind that often our minds seek out problems to “fix” instead of appreciating what’s good.
Do this experiment for a week – act as if you are completely happy you get to be connected, no matter what you “call” this connection (a “relationship” or a “friendship” etc)… Change your mindset to one of positivity. You should notice increased connection and a sense of being closer and happier w each other x
PS: Your guides give the indication that your twin does feel strongly about you, silence your worried thinking mind and go within – you’ll be able to feel it <3 Cassady x
Hi Sama, thanks for your question – Like Senoritalala says, it can be easy for people to dismiss what they haven’t experienced themselves and unfortunately it can be very hurtful to those of us who *have* had these intensely life-altering experiences with our Twin Flame to meet skepticism…
It’s happened to me too on this journey. Really, we can only ever rely on our own perceptions on this path – there are as many truths in the world as there are people.
For me the Twin Flame connection is undeniable, especially from an energetic perspective (if you look up the latest research in quantum physics it looks like it won’t be long until we have reliable scientific methods that verify how each individual has their own unique vibratory frequency and that we can measure how two individuals – the Twin Flames – have the same frequency)
I would most likely have dismissed the concept of Twin Flames if it hadn’t happened to me: the telepathy, the kundalini rising, the sudden onset of psychic abilities I’d never had, visits in dreams and so on… Now, it’s beyond any doubt – especially as I’ve encountered hundreds of other Twins with the same experiences (encountering your Twin in a dream is a classic indicator).
I remember when this journey first began for me, my Twin’s first piece of advice was “Do not let yourself be swayed by the ‘mainstream'” because he knew exactly this – people who haven’t experienced it can’t fully understand and sometimes it’s best not to push those boundaries of belief but go with your own inner faith and knowing. Your intuition knows what’s true.
Thanks both Sama and Senoritalala for your comments – sending you love and light on your continued journey <3
It’s so great that you’re sharing these experiences! I thought it was just me!
I’m so glad to hear that! x 🙂 <3
My twin decided that we should no longer see each other, for the second time, just a couple of days ago. He also stated that he needs a couple of months of space, so we will not have any contact. Through this blog and many other twin flame resources I have learned to remain calm and positive in spite of what is happening. Thank you so much for sharing your insight. I would love to eventually see a blog about communication between twin flames. That is the biggest hang up I have with my twin. I go quiet around him. My mind goes blank. I am physically unable to express myself even though the desire is there and I want to share with him more than anyone. Is this normal? He takes it as me not opening up which in turn causes him pain, because he wants intimacy and transparency. What would be the best way to nip this for good and improve our communication? What do you do when you want to heal whatever is blocking, but you aren’t sure what the block is?
Wow. Thank you for sharing this today. This is exactly what I needed to read and I wasn’t aware of this article on your blog. Perfect timing, like always 😉 Infinite love and balance!
Even though yours is not in the physical did he still need to clear those same energies??
Wow.. right on time.. thanks cassady.. 🙂