This week’s Q&A question comes from Elisheva, who asks:

“How can we avoid hurting others on the Twin Flame journey – for example our Twin’s spouse, or our own? When I focus on and visualize my ideal of being together with my Twin Flame, I feel that I’m asking for others to be hurt. Aren’t those people’s souls also here to be happy and fulfilled? How can we get around this, to avoid messing up these others’ lives?”

Thank you so much for this question Elisheva, this is such an important issue that I feel many Twins struggle with, so I’m glad to get the opportunity to address this.

Your Non-Twin Partner Knew Before You Met

The very first and most important thing here is to remember Soul Contracts – before we come to earth we very often arrange to meet certain individuals, and even to meet a soul mate and marry them, before we meet our Twin.

We have soul contracts with many many people. These contracts are very often made on the basis of learning – one particular person will be able to teach us something that is to our highest good, and we will be able to teach them something in return.

Anyone who is married to or in a relationship with a Twin Flame (whose Twin is elsewhere) is fully aware of this on a soul level. A person married to a Twin Flame was always fully aware on this deeper level that their spouse had this strong connection with another. However, on the surface Ego level they might not realize this.

Relationships as a Learning Experience 

It’s important to know that on the soul level any Twin Flame’s non-Twin spouse is 100% aware and in support of your connection with your Twin.

Often these people will actually be instrumental in helping us develop and get over our blocks so that we’re able to harmoniously interact with our Twin when the time comes for us to encounter them once again.

On the surface ego level the non-Twin spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend might feel jealous or threatened by Twin Flame connection, but be aware that this is due to energetic patterns, it’s not “who they are”.

Who they are is someone who cares so much about you that they want you to be loved and love unconditionally and get the most out of life. Anything else is layered on top of that.

What if the Future Holds Something Better?

I have been fortunate in life to encounter both my close Soul Mate and my Twin Soul. My Soul mate has been a wonderful support for me on my Twin Flame journey. He also has a Twin Flame, and I know that the two of us and our experiences together in an intense relationship helped prepare us for coming together with our Twins again.

Remember that any non-Twin spouse or person we might be in a relationship with, is also in a learning process in life and is gaining new experiences and insights from whatever circumstances they encounter in this situation.

It might fully be to a non-Twin’s highest good for a relationship to end if it is not fulfilling for both parties. Maybe something deeper and even more loving is awaiting them too, just as for you and your Twin.

And consider this: What if your spouse’s Twin Flame is out there, and they end up meeting as a direct result of the previous relationship ending?

Guilt Doesn’t Help You or Anyone Else

Don’t ever feel bad for following your heart – your heart is attuned to your highest good, and your highest good is not to hurt others (as souls we never desire to hurt anyone). The highest good might not be what’s the most comfortable here and now.

Remember that what lies out there, what the future holds, could be for both your highest good and your spouse’s. It could be what’s the most joyous for both them and you. And don’t forget that every experience in life is a valuable lesson and a gift that helps us grow.

Getting into a place of guilt about wishing to be with your Twin, will only lower your energetic vibration and attract negativity.

So lift your perspective into a place of knowing that everyone involved is a soul in a learning process with infinite capacity for love – and let that be your starting point.

How to Manifest the Most Positive Outcomes

Stay in a high vibration to attract the best outcome for everyone involved. Focusing on happiness for everyone involved will help open the situation up to attract and manifest love on all levels and smooth the path for both you and any non-Twin you might be involved with.

And if you feel resistance or negativity when using creative visualization, my advice would be to shift your visualization slightly, try a slightly different scenario – a different place, a different mood – until you find one that completely inspires you and makes you feel on top of the world. Then you can return to your previous visualization later with less resistance.

Guilt and Hurt Can be Cleared and Resolved

As always, remember that negative emotions are patterns of energy – so if guilt or doubt are feelings that bother you on a regular basis, my advice would be to begin clearing these using energy clearing tools.

We can deal with the root of these shifting your feelings to a more positive place and opening you up to greater and greater positivity for you, your Twin and anyone else involved. Try the Free Help Kit for Twin Flames to begin shifting energy right now.

Until next time – sending you love and light for your continued journey! <3

Cassady x



For an easy, fun way to manage your mindset, elevate your vibration and harmonize your journey with your Twin, have a look at the Vibrational Alignment Program for Twin Flames here.

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  1. Thank you for this post. The timing was beyond perfect. This is actually one question that I did not think I would need to concern myself with, but over the last two weeks a lot has changed:

    1) I attracted someone into my life that is really, really special, and has the highest potential out of anyone I’ve ever met to have a stable, loving relationship with (something I’ve never been able to have before). Right now we are still only friends, so it’s the best time for me to make a choice.

    2) I had a real, profound reconnection with my twin flame (in the physical too). It validated everything that I have learnt about twin flames so far, and that she truly loves me too. But her life circumstances are in a complete disarray, all of her personal life goals still left to be completed, and she insists on walking that path on her own. It’s her own demons she must conquer, and she completely refuses to have a relationship with me before then. She feels her imbalances would destroy all the progress I’ve made, and since she became aware of this new person I attracted, she’s pushed me really hard into choosing that person over her.

    I feel 1) is someone really special, and that she has so much that I can learn from, but I don’t want to hurt her down the line. In fact, it was I who asked the Universe to bring me someone that could further my evolution, and it seems to have replied. As for 2) it seems paradoxal that I feel the closest to my twin flame right now than ever, but we both somewhat agree that it is not yet time, and I feel I’ve already done most of the evolution I could have done on my own. I need new situations to teach me further.

    How would you recommend me to handle this, Cassady?

  2. I’m curious, how would a spouse of a twin flame accept or deal with the fact they are mariried to someone who has a twin flame incarnated?

  3. Loved reading this…I too met my soul mate at 17, a month later through him I met my twin flame. I married my soul mate and shortly after that I had dreams about my twin, the most strongest magnetic pull I have ever felt, as if nothing would keep us from one another. Ive struggled with guilt to no end because i love my husband and never want to hurt him but at the same time the connection/pull that I feel towards my twin i cant deny, it never goes away. My twin passed away suddenly and I never got to share with him how I truly feel, although I think he always new, it was like we communicated through our eyes and didnt have to say a thing. I pray that he’s still with me and that what i believe is a twin flame connection truly is!!! Thank you Cassady, Im so glad I found this website.

  4. Did you ever feel like breaking all soul contracts? I have seen videos online of people giving guided meditations to break and be free from these contacts. Would this also break the twin contact?

  5. Wow! Thank you so much for this. I’ve had this shadow of guilt since I met my twin and caused his previous relationship (with a friend of mine, I know right?) to end pretty dramatically. And then guilt for knowing in my heart that it was the highest good for everyone involved. I worried I was just using intuition to justify my actions at the time, but now I realize that that knowing was the truth for all of us on a soul level. Thank you!

  6. Perfect timing, I needed this.

    What if your spouse doesn’t believe.
    She says this can’t be true because I’m her soul mate and since we we’re married in a church, she thinks this is sinful.
    She says God wouldn’t approve this.
    I told her about my twin about 4 months ago and it’s getting harder and harder for me to stay. The pull is getting stronger and I don’t think I can stay away much longer. She Cry’s all the time when I try to talk with her about my twin. I start feeling guilty and sad for what I’m doing to her.
    I met my twin about 12 years ago at her place of work and as soon as I looked into her eyes I fell in love. My first marraige was in the finial stage when this happened.
    The day came when we were gonna meet in person but something came over me and I couldn’t do it. I guess that means I was the runner. I ended up getting remarried to a different girl and we moved to a different town.
    I’ve been married for about 10 years and just like before I realized my marriage wasn’t working, something seemed to be missing from it. Then not long after I realized this I seen my twin driving by me. Our eyes met and like last time I fell in love with her all over again. She just moved and it’s the same town that I’m currently living in. Then I find out she has a child that goes to the same school my son does. Ever since this has happened I began to waken spirituality I thought I was going crazy and that’s when I learned about twin flames and nothing has been the same since then. I don’t know how to explain this correctly to my wife and when I try she just looks lost and horrified. You see I haven’t actually been in contact or should I say physical contact with my twin but I feel her and hear her. When we’re driving and we happen to pass each other our connection is so strong and I can hear her like she is sitting right beside me. My wife can’t process this and she says she doesn’t know how to compete with a phantom. I have been totally honest with her from the beginning but she says it would’ve been better if I actually lied and cheated on her because she thinks she would be able to save our marriage. I feel so bad for her because she starts to cry and then she brings out the photo album of our marriage and wants me to look with her thinking I have forgotten about our love.
    I do love my wife but I’m not in love with her. I belong to my twin flame and I don’t want it any other way. Do I just leave with the hope she will heal and that she doesn’t give up on herself.

  7. Hi Patrick,

    Thanks for your question – I do understand it can be a challenge, but it sounds like what your soul mate is experiencing here is going against her taught beliefs and perceptions. This will always be challenging. Remember that this is the surface level reaction, however, and on the innermost level there is understanding and acceptance for your situation.

    You can ask your guides to please help you resolve this situation for the highest good of everyone involved. Meditate on the situation and work on visualizing a situation where everyone is happy and no one is hurt. This will help open you up to the situation resolving itself amicably. I would recommend you personally taking the Energy Clearing for Twin Flames ( as this can help cut any negative attachments between you and your wife, and also help your wife feel more centered and strong, and to feel what will serve her best in this situation also.

    Sending you love and light <3

    Cassady x

  8. Hi there Lubimsya,

    This does depend on each individual person and their experiences and karmic issues. Most often the latent knowledge that their spouse has a twin flame incarnate will be buried so deep they have no conscious idea of it.

    Sending you love and light <3

    Cassady x

  9. Hi Gabriel,

    Thanks for your question – spirit always advises us to use our inner guidance system to navigate through life, and especially our love life.

    If you can first of all use meditation regularly (5 minutes a day is better than no minutes) to silence your analytical mind (which can tend to get in the way of this inner guidance system), you’ll sense a stronger connection to your intuition.

    Then start working on using your emotions to tell you what will serve you best right now. Try to “tune in” emotionally to each option or eventuality you encounter, and see what you feel. If something feels light and good, it’s a signal that you are attuned to positive reactions here. If something feels heavy or constricted, take a step back (at least for the time being) and reevaluate.

    Sending you love and light <3

    Cassady x

  10. Things have become too complicated since I started on my twin soul journey early this year. Over the weekend, I learned that there are 2 more parties that I’ve been hurting because of my “dance” with my twin soul. The first one is Scorpion who happens to be one of my big bosses who has been giving me a difficult time at work and have been removing most of the benefits I enjoyed before she became my boss. The second one is Loyalty who happens to be my staff who is also connected with my twin soul and have been regularly meeting up with him. Though I was open to just moving on, I was advised to continue my communications with twin soul. As it turns out, the situation has become difficult for others and myself.

    I love myself and my only recourse is to focus more on the things i need to do, add more activities and be more creative in life. Is there anything else I can do to simplify all of these? I’ve done past life regression and the simple life I’ve had has just become waaayyy to complicated in this lifetime. HELP!…

  11. Hi there Cally,

    Sounds like there’s a lot going on for you right now. I would agree to stay in touch with your Twin but remember that can happen on the soul level too – go with what feels right for you at this point. Use your emotions to guide you to what will serve you best in the situation.

    I think you’d feel a lot better if you listened to the Intensive Energy Clearing Session for Twin Flames I created – it allows your soul to bring up anything that’s causing difficulties for both you personally and with you and your Twin right now, and there’s also a lot of info on how to use your energy positively to manifest joy, harmony and your desires consciously <3 You can access the clearing at

    Sending you love and light <3

    Cassady x

  12. You can’t break this contract and if you try it comes back stronger, that’s my experience. I know it’s iron clad but even trying to quit or tell the universe you don’t want it brings it back stronger.

  13. In my experience, my husband knows but doesn’t believe a word of it but I think he does see the inner turmoil and toll. Mostly he is just hurt and thinks the twin flame is an excuse to justify the dynamic with twin. They don’t get it at all, nobody does unless you have experienced it.

  14. There’s a connection beyond contracts for the Twin Flames and that can’t be broken, Amber, but we can have a multitude of other soul contracts with our Twin that end up getting in the way of our happiness and reunion. There can be energies of the two Twins always believing they’ll be separated, for example, and believing that it will be impossible to come together… And these contracts keep their energies subconsciously recreating those situations over and over. I’ve seen this in several cases.

    The core connection is indestructible, however, because we are all two expressions of what was originally the same consciousness. We go through clearing any negative contracts in the Intensive Energy Clearing for Twin Flames if you’re interested in exploring this:

    Sending you love and light <3

    Cassady x

  15. I’ve decided to ask my TF to stop communicating with me yesterday. It was too easy for him to reply back and say goodbye. Somehow I feel peaceful after I told him to stop. Seems I was the more hurt than anybody else…

    By the way Cassady, I don’t see your comments anymore. Was there any change in settings?

  16. My Twin and I met 1.5 years ago. Since then we have been separated and since then every time it looks like we’re just about to reconnect something comes up to prevent it. I know he could come see me or allow me to see him any time he “wants” to but I’ve finally come to accept that the Universe knows what it’s doing and will bring us together at the right time. Today I read Cassady’s article about “forgetting your Twin” and “letting them go” and it rang so true with what my Guides and Higher Self have been gently and lovingly trying to tell me right now. In addition, The Universe has brought me someone, totally out of the blue, who is like your #1 here. My first reaction was not to allow him into my life because I don’t want to hurt him, but I got a very strong feeling that the two of us were brought together at this time for the good of each of us. While doing automatic writing with my personal Archangel, I was told that now is the time for me to energetically pull my continual thoughts and emotions back from my Twin to allow him to work through some things on his own, and that because my Guides knew this would be difficult for me, they brought this person into my life to help with that. They assured me that whatever happens in the long run, he will be a friend and supporter, and it is not my burden to worry about what “pain” I might bring to him when it’s time for my Twin to return. In light of that I have communicated with this person some of what I’ve gone through and we are entering a type of “friends with benefits” relationship, but I hate to use that term because when you are spiritually enlightened I think it is very possible to have sexual intimacy in a friendship that is profoundly meaningful and mutually beneficial. I think practicing “love” without “attachment” is something most people never do deliberately. My advice is first and foremost ask your Guides if this person is right for you at this time, and if so, enter into a friendship/relationship with them with honesty and use this as an opportunity to put into practice what a loving friendship and relationship can be. It is of course, likely that they may be hurt when your Twin returns to your life, but perhaps that is the very lessons you contracted to “teach” them and you may very well be given the opportunity to help pave the way for their Twin to come into their life. Blessings!

  17. Thank you Kimberly! The first thing I did was indeed ask my Guides, but day after day, all the signs I got pointed towards my twin. I have however, decided to allow things run its course naturally and accept whatever comes. My twin agrees with this. But the situation has changed a bit since then, making it even more complicated. Strangely, I haven’t really been able to talk with the other girl ever since I wrote the previous post. She is currently extremely busy and stressed due to some life circunstances, and told me she doesn’t have time to speak with anyone at the moment. I don’t think she’s doing it personally against me, and I feel I’ll hear back from her again soon, but the timing was interesting. This allowed me to have some time and gain a bit more clarity with my twin, and our situation progressed significantly. We’re taking it slowly, but if I had to say, I would have to say that I am finally back together with my twin now, and that she’s definitely had a very profound awakening in the last few weeks. If anything, I’m the one walking through the mud and feeling heavy right now, but I know how to handle it. I’m confident that the worst part has already passed and progress will be a lot smoother from now on.

  18. This is a hard, hard one for me right now. I am working for my twin, helping create his/our vision for a healing retreat in Hawaii. He fired me last night, blocked my phone yesterday, then today unblocked me and left it up to me as to whether I want to remain working and living here. He is about to be married to the woman he imported – who looks like me – and she does not want him to have anything to do with me (and she is not the only one). So he did what he did, and is struggling with it. I have given up, to the point that I want my hypnotherapist to take me back to the time before I met him, ans take that part of my life out of my consciousness – the part with him in it. I can’t do this. He goes back and forth, wanting to appease everyone in his status-driven world, villifying me and lushing me away, then being absolutely unable to let go, and doing everything in his power to appease me. However, he is still getting married, she still does bot want him to have contact with me, and I know he’s my twin more than I know my eyes are blue, I love him from forever, and I can’t do this. I don’t want to. At a total loss…but it’s harder on him because he has to either 1)sneak around to contact me and go against his future bride’s wishes, 2)risk rocking the boat by openly remaining in contact with me, or 3)burning all bridges with me by having no contact with me as he’s being asked to do. Sigh….

  19. Oh my God… This was exactly what I needed right now!! I’ve been feeling guilty because me and my twin met (he is married), actually I’ve been feeling like a bitch… Even though we just had this extreme connection. I know that she knows, I can tell by the way shes looking at me, even if he says she does not know who I am.

    The funny is that I’ve during my own previous marriage all the time has been saying that I never could have been angry at a another woman to be in love with my husband, it is his choice to stay or not – and I also wished that he would go for the great love if he met her. And then I leave the marriage,without any complications at all, and end up being that woman I wanted my husband to meet… I knew something was missing in my marriage, met my twin and everything I’ve ever wanted in life stood right infront of me.

    And then I was pushing him away for feeling guilty for being the other woman… No Wonder I’m confused!!

    I will no longer have bad feelings for loving a married man, that is like having bad feelings for loving my twin, and my self…
    I will love him, and connect with him every day! I will not wait for him to come – that might take years and I know why. But when we are ready, will meet again in a context where we reach oneness 😀

    Thank you, Cassady <3

  20. I met my twin five years ago now. We fell so deeply in love… If I close my eyes and think of all the memories from those few months together – it’s like recalling the most vivid and beautiful dream. A lot of hurt happened when we separated- we live in different countries and I was only studying in his for a short time. The pain of rejection and the agonising doubt over what we had somewhat crippled me. A lot had to shift. But in my deepest moments of lowness and disconnection from him in terms of communication , I would get the most telepathic of dreams . Sometimes he’d literally send me a message in a dream, one time a phone call. My logical mind conceded somewhere down the line, but pain was still riddled in my body. As the years have passed he is in a relationship with someone , and I am in such a happy relationship with a soul mate. It is a different energy to that of being around my Twin of course and gosh there was such a sense of guilt -ridden-awkwardness internally , and still is at times. So thank you so much for writing this, and your other post of twin flames being in relationships with others. I think this will really help me shift the guilt for good. Learning hard lessons of relating and rejection , in ‘safer’ relationships makes so much sense to me. The deepest or highest part of my boyfriend knows, I can just tell, that a part of my heart will be for my Twin for as long as we’re together. On a last note I wanted to say how incredibly different it is (for me) to be with a man now into whose eyes I don’t quite see my own soul , unlike my Twin with whom eye contact was a mystery that no words could do justice to. Has anyone else found this? Much love x

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