When Love Goes Toxic – The Deeper Roots Of Why Some Twins Push Hurt Onto Their “Other Self”. How To Resolve Complex Trauma Without Compromising Your Safety… 

I’m asked about this type of issue every single week, so I was guided to address the issue today in a brand new post.

Continue reading to discover what narcissism really is and what causes it, is there a spiritual purpose to painful connections, what causes emotional abuse toward the “other self”, what solutions are there, and more…

In every situation do listen to your intuition. Make sure that you stay safe. 

If someone is physically threatening or emotionally abusive, do what you must to protect yourself. The spiritual work required to resolve the situation can be done remotely. Keep your distance physically if you must.

Before we get started, if you haven’t already, make sure you download the Free Twin Flame Help Kit as it will help you clear out old negativity and lift your connection into a higher state of harmony – no matter what’s happened before.


Plus, have a look at other Twins’ experiences with these Free resources here.

“I started with your free toolkit and immediately felt results so much that I had to get the full program and wow! I’ve been doing it consistently and I love the energy clearings and exercises. I feel lighter and my lover and I are so much closer. Every day gets better and better. And since my vibration has become higher and higher, I’m attracting in wonderful opportunities and amazing abundance as well. I’m so grateful for your work, Cassady. Thank you!”

– Jessica N.  California, USA

Essential Info On Narcissism – What Is It Really?

Without meaning to offend anyone, Narcissism is a label that’s used so liberally online that it’s often mis-applied. As a true psychological disorder, this is not something to be taken lightly. It’s estimated that only 1% of the population experience “narcissistic personality disorder”.

So let’s take a look at the psychological definition of “narcissism”:

“Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism.” (Read more here)


As with all psychological issues, there is a spectrum of intensity, where some people have a tendency toward narcissism, whereas others are deeply entrenched in the behaviors and patterns associated with it.

Remember that narcissism is a trait that is found to some degree in nearly all humans, and it’s estimated that social media has increased the spread of these traits (read the facts here)!

In addition, not all narcissists are men, so let’s be careful to equate abuse and narcissism with the male gender, as it only entrenches more negativity.

(Read more here in “8 Keys To Dealing With The Masculine Twin – How To Unlock Their Heart”).

The Spiritual And Emotional Causes Of Narcissism

No one is BORN a narcissist. Someone does not become narcissistic out of a desire to hurt others. The true cause is deep trauma from childhood that complicates their ability to function with self and others.

Key Causes Of Narcissism:

Childhood trauma is ALWAYS the core cause of narcissism and emotional abuse:

*Early life alienation from self – were shown that they would not be loved for who they were, so began to construct a “false self” to receive love. When this “false construct” is threatened, they lash out

*Have closed their heart due to trauma so their functioning around emotions, love, relationships, self and others is blocked. This is why they appear to have no empathy – they’ve shut off due to trauma

*The more self-glorifying the person is, the higher the stakes of this early life rejection for the true self. This is severe trauma for a child, feeling unloved for who they really are. This is where emotional abuse toward others comes from, when they feel the “false self” mask threatened, the fear is so strong they lash out to create distance

*Cut off from emotions due to trauma – opening to their true emotions is seen as unsafe to such a strong degree that they have blocked their ability to feel their own feelings normally. This also means they are unconsciously blocked from having empathy and understanding for others. Can be due to being shamed for emotions in childhood, or for feeling abandoned when opening up

*Spiritually creating a false illusion of self and reality due to a negative underlying perception – they exist in a constructed version of reality designed to support the false self – means that they are tangled up in a stressful inner battle with self on a constant basis and feel deeply insecure that others will tear down the walls

*Drawn to those who play along with or support that false self and reality, terrified of anyone they feel can sense who they really are underneath

*Often unconsciously attract empaths/healers/lightworkers into their lives, in the soul’s effort to “de-mask” the false ego and heal the deeper wound

*They long for love above all but expect that love to only come when they are “perfect” or “impressive”

*Often end up using others because it’s seen as safe. True vulnerability and openness is shunned because of fear of being rejected, so real love is seen as a threat

What To Do If You Encounter This

Spirit’s advice is, always see beneath the mask. Do NOT focus on the false construct of ego. It will only entrench more energy into it and make it stronger.

Remember that no matter how the person is behaving, they are a soul of light. They are made of love, just like you are. And if it is truly your Twin Flame, they are you and you are them deep down.

Dealing with a narcissistic or emotionally abusive person is a very challenging situation but the lock can be picked.

Remember that Twins are always strongly affecting each other with their perceptions, intentions and energy: Pushing AGAINST makes the problem worse. The more you pay attention to the mask and label, the stronger it grows.

Although it’s challenging, love is the key to the lock.

For best results, move away from the ego self. Focus on their Higher Self and work to resolve the deeper core causes of the issue on a spiritual level.

This can be relatively fast and simple when done correctly. 

Be aware that this person may be expressing “generational trauma”: inherited negative attachment forms from abusive/neglectful parents or a parent who made them feel they were never “good enough”.

How To Handle Situations With A Narcissistic Or Abusive Person

*Stay safe – listen to your intuition

* If someone is threatening, retreat

*Do not push if you sense they are hostile – they may block you/get aggressive/vindictive

*Interact with their higher self instead – they know how to help

*Remember they long for love but think they won’t get it for who they really are

*Don’t judge, it just creates more distance

*Remember their behavior is not really malicious, it’s fear driven

*It’s not about YOU, it’s trauma

*Don’t try to fix it from the outside in – trauma means their shadows are hyper-active

*Resolve from the inside – behind the scenes – with healing and spiritual methods

*Remember,  beneath the ego mask they’re an infinite being made of love

*Remember the Twin Flame mirror is pushing for negativity to purge until only love remains – if this is truly your Twin Flame, your path is to heal and experience love together and it really is possible. You wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t. Don’t believe people who say it’s impossible.

*Be aware of your projections too. Gender programming and perceptions can push distance between the Twin Souls (3D content in your field could be a factor in triggering conflict)

The Spiritual Perspective – Surprising Facts

Spirit’s message is for genuine Twin Flames who are abusive, it’s an outer expression of an inner desire to hurt the self, ie a deep seated self hatred based in childhood that is so toxic it comes out toward the “other self”.

They are so hurt deep down, feeling so unloved, that they project this onto you.

But something to be aware of is: Many loving, giving people attract wounded lovers who are NOT their Twin Soul.

Spirit reminds us many empaths (spiritually sensitive people) and healers are drawn to un-healed people, and this is one of the deepest complex traumas relating to love in the human world.

These people are feeling so unloved, that they have constructed a false self in order to get love. As a “lightworker” you may be attracting people like this into your field.

If it’s not your true Twin Flame, make sure you release any beliefs, energies and soul contracts relating to feeling responsible for others or like you are here only to serve others. I take you through clearing this content here.

(Remember your true “mission” is to live your bliss! Read more here)

How To Stop Attracting Toxic Love Situations

Make sure you stay in a higher state so you’re not aligned with attracting trauma with others, and remember we are all infinite beings of light, equally supported by the universe – it is not your job to fix anyone. If anything, it can pull you down and prevent you from living your true path.

If you are truly with a Twin Flame who’s expressing narcissistic traits and emotional abuse, remember who they REALLY are. Focus on their light.

Write out how you wish they were (that’s their higher self), work with their Higher Self to clear the energy of trauma and wounds, help them heal their system, and visualize yourselves happy together.

Ignore the ego drama as best you can, which is the “human illusion”.

Remember also that many Twin Flames are acting out “false karmic content” from the human collective fields – if your Twin is abusive, this is a key sign they have absorbed this toxic content. I take you through clearing it from both you and them here.

Remember unconditional love is the key that unlocks deep trauma. And there truly are solutions. You would not be here if it wasn’t possible to reunite.

Recommended Resources For Dealing With
An Abusive/Narcissistic Twin Flame Situation:


The Oneness Activation Session For Twin Flames They long for unity but are terrified of it. In this session I take you through clearing conflict and separation programming and activating oneness between you in a safe way from the “inside out”. We clear false karmic content absorbed from the masculine/feminine fields. Their higher self also steps forth and offers direct assistance with your path.

The Twin Flame Inner Child Session – This trauma is rooted in childhood, so go directly to their deeper self and find out the core causes. You can then resolve this directly with them. This is a powerful method that’s used in psychology with deep results.

twin flame awakening

The Twin Flame Higher Dimensional Anchoring And Awakening Session In this session I take you through clearing false ego programming for your counterpart in alignment with free will, and downloading the essence of the higher self to step forth to heal and awaken them in the physical.


The Free Twin Flame Help Kit

UNTIL SUNDAY 8TH SEPTEMBER, I’M GIVING EVERYONE IN THE COMMUNITY $11.11 off all of my programs and sessions – just use code 1111 at checkout <3

Other Recommended Articles:
The Real Reason Why Your Twin Flame Hurt You
What Your Twin’s Soul Wants To Tell You
The Love Blueprint Quiz

I hope you found this article helpful. Remember that there is no such thing as “impossible” and when we clear and uplift our energy, our “real world” situation begins to shift for the better too.

So don’t make the mistake of assuming that the current situation is “the only reality possible” – take action, and things will begin to change.

(Watch a video on how it works here.)

Listen to your intuition. It will always be working to keep you safe and guide you to harmony and love. Take care of yourself – you deserve so much.

As always I’m sending you love and light for your continued journey <3

Cassady x

Want more? For my step-by-step “roadmap” to Twin Flame Union, created after my Twin and I reached Union on my own journey – have a look at the Vibrational Alignment Program for Twin Flames.

And you can read here about other Twins’ experiences with the program!

twin flame program

“I’ve been using the Vibrational alignment Program for almost a week now. I’ve noticed a huge shift in my energy. Before I was on the emotional roller coaster we feel with our twins. And I was a mess. I could feel his energy and all of the highs/lows he was experiencing as a runner. Once I started this program, I noticed on day 1 a huge difference. I was no longer crying on the phone to my friend. I was laughing and couldn’t contain my happiness. I’ve also had dreams about my twin each night, and have felt him going back and forth in his spirit on if he should call me. This program is great!! Thank you Cassady. “

– Caitlin, California, USA

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